I wrote a post before about how long it takes to reach the end of a PhD. It’s a series of anticlimactic events where you’re never quite done. But now I can finally say my PhD is completed and there’s no steps left. Like most academics the impostor syndrome is still going strong but I’m getting there.
The pandemic made the experience more momentous as we had a lot more of us all graduating together than a traditional graduation. It felt pretty special for me that I got to graduate with Ben.
To all the current PhDs wondering if the process will ever end, you will get there.
I’ve got pretty mixed feelings about this one. I want to discuss my experience as a woman in engineering.
My PhD sat on the border of engineering and maths. I spent a lot of my PhD trying to justify my place in both the fields. One thing is for sure though, I always felt more comfortable as a woman in maths than I did in engineering. Maybe I was just unlucky with the events I went to but every engineering conference/ training event I went to I felt more out of place for being a woman than a mathematician.
I was called “the girl” by an academic who was meant to be teaching me (FYI I had a name badge on and was the only mathematician, perhaps “the mathematician” could have been a unique identifier too). I also experienced a lot more micro harassment at engineering events. A lot more unnecessary touching, lingering gazes, unwanted comments. I’ve been watching a woman give a talk and had colleagues next me make inappropriate comments about their appearance. During networking I’ve been asked about what it’s like to be a woman in engineering when everyone else in a group was asked about their research.
I built some 3D diagrams to illustrate the ray spacing from a source.
I currently work in an engineering maths department and they are fantastic. I haven’t experienced any of my toxic engineering history in this group in fact the inclusion has been better than anything I’ve seen anywhere. Maybe the presence of maths is all it takes to make people behave?
Wifi Propagation pathways as part of my PhD research
What I struggle with is how to inspire future women in engineering. We need more representation but I struggle with the idea of encouraging someone torn between maths and engineering to go into engineering because I don’t want them to experience what I had to.
How do I promote the field to the next generation when my experience is so tainted? Currently my only solution is to send them to my current department, but they will need to attended conferences and events.
Maths is where my heart lies and whilst I love it’s applications I’m just as happy in maths biology as in maths for engineering so maybe I won’t have this problem forever.
Update since original post: As I reflect on this more I’ve realised that I feel safer walking home along late at night than I felt at those conferences. That really doesn’t sit well with me. Time and again I’ve been told by men I should be careful walking home but no body tells me not to go to work. I desperately want to encourage women in engineering. No one shouldn’t follow the career they want because of their gender. But at the same time I can’t pretend that I’ve had a great time in it.
whoisbehindtheblackboard 